I'd like to say that I've not updated because I've been too busy working....or socialising....or in a coma....but the truth is that I've just been lazy. But the thing is, I don't really turn off, not ever, I'm always thinking about ways I can improve, things I can do better, stuff I can do to make a greater impression...It's annoying, in some respects, because I very rarely follow through with those plans, because (and I am sure this something that we are all afflicted with) I am so easily dissuaded. Not through lack of support, or lack of recognition, but....well, no, actually exactly those things.
We, that is to say I, like to act holier than thou, I'll talk about things that are important to me, and I get that that is why you may probably, are probably, not interested in what I have to say...and that's cool, it really is. Writing these things is basically a form of therapy (yay for free therapy!) for me, and that I have not wrote...written...I don't know the correct English....but whatever, that I have not posted for a while would seem to indicate that my life is more or less going well...because, you know, I've not posted....or something....so why am I posting this now, why am I writing this blog now?
Basically, life is going just grand for me, I don't have many complaints, I am white, male and in university, if there was some kind of genetic lottery, I would be winning it at the moment. It's just....relativity...you know, things are only as good as they relate to you? To one's self....It might sound bad, but even if you were a billionaire, if you lost a million in an hour, it wouldn't matter, it'd still be bad you lost the million....and I guess that's kinda what this is about...there are those that are far better off than I....and those that are far worse off than I....but isn't that life?
That will always be, surely? At the moment, what's destroying me is my frankly laughable attempts to get into a relationship, but that is (when measured against the plight of others) inconsequential. Here I am, worried that I may never have children, that I've gone too long without a freaking date, and then there are people who, you know, are worried that when they go to sleep tonight they won't freaking see tomorrow. It kinda puts one's thoughts into perspective. *Yes, i do know I am saying freaking a lot...I'm trying to wean myself off of swearing..it's not going all that well....*
And that's kinda it...things are going well, but they could be going better, and I'm getting greedy, so I need to write this kind of shit and remind myself of that. But...the thing is, I don't even know if they are going that well...by some metrics, sure, things are swell...but people who know me know that above all else I desire a family and that is....that is far from a reality....I don't know....I guess that's all I've got for now, otherwise I'm going to get really mushy, so ciao bella.